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Relationship Guru Claims Monogamy Not in Our DNA

by Published on

Controversially and no doubt done to promote a new book. Louise Van Der Velde, a dating guru claims that monogamy is not part of our DNA. She argues that in the same way as to “obey,” has been dropped from the vows, maybe we should not promise to be faithful to each other.

jenny_goldstein
Jenny Goldstein — Head of Family Law

In essence what is being suggested here is that open relationships are the way forward.

It is fair to say that on a purely practical level in terms of society, marriage became popular as a means for social control. For some, approaching marriage from a Christian perspective marriage was not to be encouraged, because the focus needed to be on the second coming. As families began to acquire land they increasingly wanted to ensure that that land was passed through a blood line. They would go to the people who could write, usually, the educated within the church to write out a marriage contract. In a course of time marriage required religious backing.

In recent times far from monogamy no longer being popular, we legally recognise monogamous relationships regardless of gender and sexuality. This suggests that most people want that inclusive relationship.

Sadly Van Der Velde has her own tragedy in a sense that her husband had an affair which he was open about and they stayed together until tragically he died at 38 years of age. Interestingly she accepts when her husband told her that he wanted to have a relationship outside of the marriage, she did go through a significantly difficult period. So although she reconciled herself to the situation, we cannot help but put it in the context of her tragic shocking and early death of her husband.

Our experience of dealing with family breakdown whether this through a marriage, civil partnership or co-habitation is that both parties feel devastated.; They have an overriding sense of failure. Their expectations in terms of commitment with to each other have been completely undermined. All of this points to the fact that actually most people do seek an inclusive relationship.

It is always good to look at our primary relationships from a different perspective, but I think there is probably a little bit more hype in this article than the reality of what most people look for in terms of emotional support from those that are closest to them.

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